Sun and Innocence

In the shifting
of the beach shells
lies the secret whispers
of an ‘Us’ that never was.

The trickling of
each grain of sand
poured out our story
of an endless
summer night talking;
me,
huddled under the bedcovers,
while you were
blanketed by
the magic of a starlit night.

Eventhough apart —
we shared the beach.

Your voice was the
wind – sticky and sweet,
soothing me.
Your laughter were
waves that crashed
towards the shore –
tickling, teasing,
touching me.

As the night melted
into the dawn
and our giggles
lulled me to slumber,
I knew I would
hold this image of us
in place –
apart, but connected,
barely together,
joined by the shared magic
of Summer dreams
and innocence.

– 2:42 PM
– July 8, 2009

Chapters

The old armchair creaked softly against the sighing of her body. It was another of those days, the rains poured incessantly, and the cold pursued a straight path to her joints. She looked up towards the attic window as the angry pitter-patter of rain rendered the world outside a murky, mottled gray.

She shivered. She hated being alone in the rain. He always knew that. When thunderstorms came, he would cuddle up next to her, whispering softly in her ear, until her fears melted amidst his sweet words. Too long ago. Memories of him splintered into fragments now. She shivered once again.

She picked up the pen lying by the table beside her, flipped through the journal at her lap and squinted in the flickering light. She remembered where she last left off. It was a long time since she last opened this journal. She started at the sudden flash of lightning.

She missed him. Too much.

Brushing back a tendril of gray hair, she squared her shoulders, and started to write again.

That day, I promised,
in the dying gasps of
my hysteria,
that I would disappear
from the sentimentality
that got me here
in the first place.

And so, as hours
turned into days,
and the brilliance
of Time sputtered
into glimmers of the past,

the Truth shone through
that
finally,
finally.

My heart learned
not to long for you anymore.

- April 24, 2009
- 3:35 PM

Please
just stop
spinning your truths.

Red is still red,
pink will always be pink,
the world will carry on
revolving,

and you – so absorbed
in your own truths,
will be left
behind and
stagnant

against the currents
of the Universe.

- April 24, 2009
- 3:23 PM

Closer

... no one, not even the rain,
has such small hands.


Photo by me: Nikon D40X, kit lens, extension tubes

The Unraveling

The night held the anonymity
she desired.
Walking, stunted walking in
the sticky heat, her shoes scraping
the streets.

She squinted her eyes
at the wind that would
follow from revving
cars passing by,
rattling her reverie,
then leaving her alone.

Again.


- February 19, 2009
- 11:39 AM

Truth Time

It was bound to happen,
the end of an era as I knew it,
the passing of time,
the turning of the tides.

I've called it a different thing everytime,
but it always means one thing.
I've romanticized it,
and glamourized it,
but in the end, one stark truth
stood out:
It was a Goodbye.

Much as I want to stay blissfully
carefree, I'm being forced to grow up.
I'm being forced to handle things
without the whimsical optimism of a little kid.

And (long, deep breath) it's tough.
But for my sake, for our sake,
I've got to toughen it out.
I've got to start handling things
more maturely.

So, I'm squaring my shoulders,
stepping back with great difficulty.
The fantasy is getting frayed
around the edges,
and though a large part of me
will still (forever) hold on to the dream,
the truth rings loud and clear:
it's time for Real Life.


Photo by: Me, Nikon D40X, editing in CS2

01/23

What Once Was There

All she could do was
remember.

A sour-sweet taste of frozen apples
and berries. Dreams of
swimming with sharks and
mermaids.
Mating dances that
lasted all night.

She wept then, for memories
gone by. For smiles no longer
shared and for the sorrow that
rendered her helpless
to the ebb of
change.

--- 12/04/08
6:38 PM

Celebration

The minute they got in,
the world seemed to fade
and focus on that single moment.

Mouths melded in an
eternal kiss, shivers engulfing them
both as the first spark
of desire ignited
a heat that took them twenty-two months
to hold back.

Their skin seemed to sizzle
and crackle with that
first flame.

A hot-white flash of skin,
heated words burned
them in the moment.

The anticipation built,
as they neared the final union.
A quick scrape of skin to skin,
a brilliant flash of light beneath their eyelids.

The world between them exploded in
a blinding flash of red sparkles and silvery streaks.

It was a majestic explosion,
a display of ecstasy.

They stilled from the frantic pace,
a blissful silence overtaking them,
this was the moment they had
waited for, consuming them.

It was time.

--- January 14, 2009
2:13 PM

When Nothing Else Works

What would it take for you
to set us free?
Hateful words exchanged
in front of a silent jury?
Acid-rough glimpses of faded
memories, relived thru
another’s arms?

Would you like one final
moment in the sun,
a desperate attempt to
bring back the weather-beaten
past?

If goodbye’s did not work,
nor truths scathingly
thrown at you,
then what will make you
loosen the reins of the past?

Will you wait until we give up,
awaiting us to part, waiting
from the edges of the crowd?

Perhaps all it takes is a
pocketful of coins sent your way.
Returning lost memories,
until it reaches your waiting
hands, for that
Final Farewell.

---- January 14, 2009
1:38 PM

Certainty

How many times can a heart break?
How many times can tears fall?

Divide infinity by infinity,
Then maybe you’ll come close to
Reality.

--------------------------
I forgot that I wrote these lines. When I saw it, I couldn't even remember if I wrote it at all. Anyway, I like it for its rawness, so I'm posting it up here.

11-10-06

I practiced these words
for weeks, that it felt like
a mantra, a prayer,
as I whispered them to your ear.

-- I prayed for the gods to hear me.
I did my rituals, sitting in dark
corners, whispering feverishly,
weeping with pious faith.

And here in your arms,
I said the same prayer
over and over, copious tears
dripping on your shoulders.

And you hushed me,
a reverent smile gracing
your face, a silent peace
stealing over me.

-- the gods heard my plea that night,
as sweet petals touched
my lips, an ardent devotion,
a dance of worship –
a glorious blessing.

-- November 12, 2008

In Which I Try to Step Into Your Shoes

Turn the spotlight on me,
everything I say is Truth.

Pity me,
give me the world,

I’ve been bludgeoned –
the weight of my failure
giving me the right
to lash out,
to slice you
into ribbons.

Until there is nothing left
in you – a bloody carcass.

And I, I will gloat
in righteous judgment.

The perfect murder
borne out of self-preservation.

Out of a twisted need
to redeem my rejected
ego – soaking in my hate.

An innocent smile
masks my gloating need
to bring you down –
over and over again.


--- September 23, 2008
5:54 PM.


-----------------------
Finally. After a long hiatus from writing. *phew*
Nothing sweet and sentimental this time.
Hope you like it.

Floral Favorites

Beached

Goodnight, Sweet Lover

Remembrance

It’s always the case with you

You placed the cold plastic tile
on the board, a smug look daring me
to defy you.

“Triple word score,” I breathed –
impressed, yet unwilling to show it.

I took in your flushed face,
as you basked in your triumph.
I raised my eyebrow in scorn.

Not quite yet.

And so we dueled,
in this game of words.

You with your big pronouncements,
such a show of brute.
Me, not budging, waiting,
waiting for that moment.

Both of us intense,
feeling for each other’s hidden
letters – nervously anticipating.

And with a flourish,
you put down your last word.

You grinned,
and I sighed
having waited too long.

I could never win with you.

-- August 5, 2008; 6:23 PM

Surviving Camp Creatives

I remember
tired, weary eyes
closing at the day’s end.
A hug shared as friends –
relief at the end of a grueling
all—nighter.
And I held on
to the tenderness that
belied the fierce way you pressed
a secret kiss upon my hair.
I thought I heard a silent plea,
a whispered confession.
I let it lull me,
as you held me near you
and I waited for the morning.

* EDITED: September 1, 2008 / 11:39 PM

His & Hers

HERS

They walked in silence –
A boy and a girl.
His purposeful strides matched
Her smaller, lithe steps.
In sync. They sneaked glances,
Tentative smiles reaching hopeful stares.
Light banter masking simmering
Tension—taut and ready.
Overlapping words, saying one thing
While their shoulders brushed in unconscious need.
His hand brushed hers.
A jolt of silence, a startled glance.
Anticipation stirred the air.
They had arrived.

-- by Ina*

------

HIS

They sat still –
a boy and the girl
His mouth shut, his heart spoke
Her mouth covered, as emotions evoked
Together they listened to his heart
Fiddling like a violin out of tune
Light banter masking simmering
Tension—taut and ready
Word by word as notes to hymns
His heart sang words of sorrowed yesterday, hopeful today and blissful tomorrow
Their eyes locked in unconscious need
His heart emptied out to hers
A jolt of silence, a startled glance
He was set free
He has arrived
He was hoping she did too.

-- by Sharkee*

For the seventeenth. =)

For You

For every thing, and every smile.
For every moment of
unabashed Joy.
For every hand held
in a crowd of strangers.
For every second of
magic you shared,
every glitter of warmth.
For every thing, and everyday.
For You.



Photo:
- underwater toy camera
- Lucky Film

Choosing Land

It would have been so easy to say that
I expected this,
from that first worried
message you sent me.
But nothing prepared me for that
initial glimpse – an image forever scarred
into my memory.

The dim, yellow light it seemed to cast.
A beacon
as she came in.
You held out a hand to steady her,
quiet words exchanged.

I do not remember now what you said,
as if you were talking and I was
underwater
sinking, sinking with the realization
that it was Her – come to say goodbye
to your Grandma.

She wept so openly beside you that night.
while you stood there, murmuring your thanks,
in a grotesque tableaux.
A funeral by the shore.
Standing a mere distance away from her,
separated by the passing tides
joined forever by currents of shared hurt and pain.

In that moment, I could see,
as I sat there, buffeted by winds of the past,
I could see how you once were.
When things were stained with the sun,
before your love sank beneath the surface.

And then I had to leave, before I too, sank.
As I murmured my excuses,
you came to me, like a rush of warmth.
You held me in a tight circle,
and whispered an 'I love you.'

I broke the surface,
holding those words like a buoy,
a talisman against the currents,
and I knew then,
that I wouldn't drown after all.

-----
Photo Credits: Mine, Holga 120N, Fuji Superia